Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize