just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
