At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you are never too drunk for berry picking
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
