Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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