so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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