I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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