dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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