this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
