I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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