Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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