who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
