Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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