dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize