dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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