well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
