Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
