i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
