i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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