I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
