At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
