found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
