and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
