that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
