Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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