She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
