Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
