Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think my mom watched the whole time
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
