i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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