I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
