god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
