i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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