mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
