So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
