Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize