And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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