What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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