these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
