that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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