i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
