it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
