Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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