since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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