I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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