Kareoke will never be a sober sport
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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