Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
