.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
