dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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