idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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