he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
