You made me cry and you don't even care
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
