So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
