Apparently you make a good broom.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
