I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
