i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
