Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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