She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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