it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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