The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
