Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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