Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
