i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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