I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize