If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
