She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize