College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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