Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
True but thats because hes a fetus.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
