I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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