we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
