Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
