I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
