How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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