All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Someone shit on the floor
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
