She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize