guys are only as good as the porn they watch
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
