I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
