dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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