we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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