i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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