im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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