they need to just BURY HIM!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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