i jhust puked up my retainher.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
