I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
