Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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