how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
