Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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