we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
time to smoke my breakfast
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize