Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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