Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
