She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
