grandma shit on top of the toilet
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize