Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
