I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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