why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Drake has all the answers
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
