Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
