wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
