I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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