I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
