I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
