I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
