when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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