Me. At least after what I've been through.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
