Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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