Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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