I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
