My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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